Community Post: 22 Ways Coffee Lovers Are Basically Lorelai From
Gilmore Girls; Warner Bros. Television.

I work at a hospital and I hate coffee.

Yes, it’s true. I hate coffee. I made it through 7 years of undergraduate and graduate school without coffee. I’ve made it though the last decade without coffee. And I plan to make it through many more decades without coffee.

25 Things People Who Don’t Drink Coffee Are Tired Of Hearing by KellyTy

  1. You DON’T drink coffee?!?!
  2. Have you ever tried coffee?
  3. Is it a religious thing?
  4. Is it a moral thing?
  5. But how do you get up in the morning?
  6. I’d be asleep right now if I didn’t have my coffee this morning.
  7. Do you have enough energy to get through the day?
  8. So are you a tea person?
  9. Well there’s caffeine in tea, too, ya know.
  10. Coffee is an acquired taste.
  11. You just aren’t drinking the right kind of coffee!
  12. I bet you’d really like *insert coffee order here*
  13. Have you tried the coffee from *insert coffee place here*, it’s the BEST.
  14. Do you at least like the smell?
  15. If you don’t drink coffee what do you order at Starbucks???
  16. Does that mean you’ve never had a Pumpkin Spice Latte?
  17. What about cappuccinos, espressos etc.?
  18. But some of them are so nice and foamy!
  19. I don’t trust people who don’t drink coffee.
  20. Is that why you’re always in a bad mood?
  21. Whenever I don’t have my coffee I get the worst headaches.
  22. Coffee is good for you!
  23. But coffee is expensive. You probably save a ton of money.
  24. You never have to wait in those crazy coffee lines either!
  25. One day you’ll have the perfect cup of coffee and be changed forever.

The Scientific Reason You Hate Coffee or Love It by Anthea Levi

  • Ahmed El-Sohemy, PhD, a professor of nutritional sciences at the University of Toronto, decided to look at a particular gene, called CYP1A2, involved in the metabolism of caffeine, and how it might affect coffee’s impact on the heart.
  • People who inherit two copies of the “fast” variant of CYP1A2, one from each parent, are known as “fast metabolizers,” and can break down caffeine about four times more quickly than folks who inherit two copies of the slow variant of CYP1A2.
  • El-Sohemy and his colleagues found that consuming four or more cups of coffee per day was associated with a 36% increased risk of heart attack.
  • Other research has produced similar results. In 2009, a group of Italian scientists found that slow caffeine metabolizers with moderate to heavy coffee consumption were more likely to suffer from high blood pressure than fast metabolizers.

Why Office Coffee Tastes So Bad, by Geoffrey James

  • Exposure to air. The more the beans are exposed to air and light, the more they begin to break down, turning the natural sweetness into tannins. If coffee is already ground, that process is accelerated.
  • Brewing residue. Most brewing methods cause tannins to be deposited on the brewing mechanism where they’re transferred into the coffee. Plastic and metal is porous, so even if you scrub it, there’s always residue.
  • The brewing process. If the water is not hot enough, the coffee flavor is lessened while the tannins are transferred into the water. Most coffee makers don’t heat up the water sufficiently to make a good cup.
  • The filtering process. If the filter is the wrong porousness and not designed to absorb tannins, it will pass them through into the coffee. Many filters just filter out particulate matter and don’t absorb the tannins.
  • Time after brewing. If there are tannins in the coffee, they’ll spread throughout the coffee, making it increasingly bitter over time. That’s why reheated coffee — or coffee that’s been sitting in the pot for an hour or more — usually tastes so wretched.

How to Make the Most of Office Coffee, by Jason Fitzpatrick

  • Clean the coffee maker.
  • Brew the coffee properly.
  • Designate a coffee maker.
  • Know when to bite the bullet and self-brew.